‘Tis season to be jolly, fa la la la laaa and all that. But what if the season just brings dread, anxiety and loneliness? We’re subjected to advertising telling us Christmas is meant to be magical, surrounded by our perfect families all getting along. But that’s not always the case. Christmas can be a difficult time for many reasons, and can leave you feeling festively flat.

Homelessness or financial difficulties, loneliness, difficult relationships, families that are separated or have been bereaved, logistics of caring for others, time pressure, months of organisation, trying to make it ‘perfect’ can all make the lead-up and the day feel like a minefield of stress and emotions.

Here are some ideas for how to cope with it all.  Some may not be feasible for your situation, but hopefully there’s something for everyone.

Bereavement and loneliness

• It’s okay to feel sad; it reflects what/who we care about. It’s also okay to feel positive emotions. Allow your emotions to come and go without judgement. 
• Is there a way you can acknowledge those not present in a way that helps you?
• Plan your day; your usual routine may help you feel more grounded. 
• Find ways to connect with others. Attend an event or phone a friend/whānau member.
• Do activities that are comforting, try out a new tradition if old traditions are too painful.
• Get out of the house and visit places that soothe your soul. 

Financial concerns

• Talk about your plans in advance, it might help to agree a set limit on spending, or a no-gifts policy.
• Budgeting – look for low-cost or free gifts at op shops or online. Personal touches like homemade gifts or spending quality time with others are often more meaningful than bought items.
• A Pot luck is a great low-cost option for catering.
• Ultimately try to be kind to yourself, money worries can have a big impact on our mental health.  Try not to blame yourself for your situation.

Difficult relationships

• It’s okay if there are people you don’t want to see at Christmas. If you can’t avoid them, give yourself opportunities for time out, or a time limit – “I can only stay for an hour”.
• Difficult conversations may come up, so think of answers in advance. If you have a trusted ally, talk to them beforehand about how you feel and agree on a codeword for extra support. 
• Suggest an activity to move away from a conversation.

Pressures to eat, drink and be merry – looking after yourself

• Set boundaries – say no to things that aren’t helpful for your wellbeing in the long run.
• Provide yourself with options that work for you, such as low-alcohol or non-alcoholic substitutes, or food that fits your dietary needs.
• Allow yourself to experience your feelings – even if they don’t match what’s going on around you, they’re still valid
• Consider a break from social media; it doesn’t reflect reality and can make us feel bad about ourselves. 
• Self-care is not me first, it’s me too. It’s okay to meet some of your needs. Give yourself permission to look after yourself, whether that’s with quiet time, a walk, or watching a comedy show.
• Keep in mind what you can control – your actions.  We can’t control how others feel, think or act. Remember this and focus on what you say and do. 

Hopefully some of these tips help nurture you through what can be a very difficult time of year.